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  • Writer's pictureAlice Verlezza

Diagnosis

Recently diagnosed at the age of 40 with ADHD, inattentive type, I've started to shift my perspective pretty drastically. For years, I had an internal monologue dictating extreme standards and selflessness. Also, having been raised as Roman Catholic, my spiritual beliefs were shrouded in fear and shame of sin and retribution for my mistakes. What if I am not worthy? What if I am not enough?

In short, I was my own worst critic and a highly functioning, neurodivergent people-pleaser.


I stumbled upon this diagnosis in treatment for an eating disorder. When the right medication hit my system, I realized my brain worked differently on a biochemical level. Finally I was able to recognize the limitations that prevented me from starting or finishing anything, from accomplishing all the ideas and goals that I had wanted for myself.


My perspective shifted.

I wasn't broken.

I was a manual being driven like an automatic.

I was no longer a jumble,

a mystery,

a mess.

There was evidence and explanation for characteristics I had attributed to "badness" my whole life.

It wasn't "fault," so the shame melted away.

And I found myself - extraordinary, beautiful, perfect. Classic Alice.


A world of possibility opened, and I realized that I have skill and knowledge and expertise to lend to the world. In the great words of Allie Brosh, maybe everything isn't just hopeless bullshit.

My "critical parent" and self-loathing became ridiculous and unnecessary.

In looking internally, we can recognize our own truth, rightfully set our own course, and find the adventure we were promised.

Your limitations are only yours to argue.

Find another way.


Go ahead, ask Alice.



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