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  • Writer's pictureAlice Verlezza

How do we get where we're going?

What is it to really know a human being? We yearn for emotional connection, right? That's what we really want. Someone to get us. The greatest feeling in the world is the feeling of gotten.

Emotional connection and shared intimacy are essential elements of the human experience. It's a fundamental need to be connected, first to our mothers, then to our family of origin, and then to the communities around us. The village that raises us teaches us how to negotiate the world around us and we connect in different ways, but every person has a part of them screaming for some kind of emotional connection.

So how do we get there? We watch our favorite movies and break bread together. We text funny memes and share songs that make us feel something. We find common interests and bond over passions and practices. We tuck our children into bed and foster that village. We offer people what we would have offered ourselves in their position. We befriend fictional characters and visit the same fandom for decades to feel heard and represented. We scroll social media and post a blog, hoping for anyone who reads it to feel seen. And in each of these moments, we find the spark of contact that teases a flicker of connection.

So is it our goal to have something for ourselves, as society so strongly promotes? Or are we actually seeking something that is truly ours?

That's why I'm writing here. To air my experiences and express the internal monologue. I've internalized the struggle my whole life. I've second guessed my own reality hundreds of times. Doubt has snaked its way into my self-talk, and I'm finally ready to choose to trust myself. I'm finding another way.

So here goes,

I'm neurodivergent. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 40 and I am a survivor. I'm a wife of 14 years, and our relationship has gone through all sorts of stages, including separation. I'm a mother of two young girls, and I practice gentle parenting with an emphasis on mindfulness. I'm an adjunct at a local college teaching Sociology. I'm a graduate student of English, a writer, a deep thinker, and a poet who doesn't write poetry. I have a compassionate heart, a mind that I'm always looking to broaden and open wider, and a loyalty to people that I've only personally encountered a few times in my life. I'm a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker. I work really hard to keep value judgements out of my mouth. I tend to hyperfocus and forget to write back, but I'm also the friend that texts you out of nowhere and checks in.

If you have anything on your mind that you're struggling with, post it here. Anonymously or not. I'd love to support you with all I've got and offer comfort or advice, whatever you need.

Go ahead, ask Alice.

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